Audrey's Memory

Audrey was stuck.
She had been floating happily across the lake for about a week, watching the fishes as they nibbled at her.
Now her foot was caught on someone's dock. At least she thought it was her foot. That seemed to be the anchor point that was hinging her to the wooden post. Probably snagged on a ragged nail.
The fishes still came to visit her, but the wind that had pushed her around the lake had ceased for now.
When she was drifting, there was always the possibility that she might hit a boat!
What anticipation that had been!
So exciting...
But now?
Her best chance was for a fish to nibble enough of her foot off to set her adrift once again.
Actually her BEST chance would be for some kid to find her and turn her over!
Then he'd run away scared. Maybe even crying.
Then the wind would pick back up and she could drift across the lake face-up for a change!
Oh, the joy...
It would be so lovely to see the stars again; although she would most likely miss watching her fish.
For every positive, there's a negative.
But even if no curious boy showed up, Audrey knew it was just a matter of time before the fish ate enough of her to sink her.
This knowledge was always at the back of her mind, chewing away on her positivity... but most of the time, she was able to focus on being optimistic.
And who knew if the bottom of the lake would be boring?
It would be dark, for sure, but there would be catfish!
And she could always count beer cans as they sank around her. Lost fishing lures.
Maybe if she was really lucky, a curious boy would even snag Audrey when he was trolling.
He would reel her out of the water thinking he was snagged on weeds and see Audrey's pale face surface from the depths.
Sigh.
That would be lovely.
And while waiting, she could always reflect on her life.
Think about the big things she never spared the time to think about before.
Was God real?
What about free will? Destiny?
How big was the universe really?
Why did people insist on time? It was so oppressive. Restrictive.

...How long had she been stuck here on this dock?
At least a few days. Probably not a whole week. Maybe a whole week. It was getting harder for her to keep track of time now...
No appointments to keep or schedules to make.
Never late anywhere.
Peaceful.
Wait.
Wait wait wait...

She was being pulled out of the water.
Audrey buzzed with excitement.
What if it was that curious boy?!
Or a whole group of curious teenagers!
No.
The shoes didn’t look like teenager shoes. They were shiny black shoes underneath black pants.
Police shoes.
Oh no.
Audrey was shoved into a large black bag. She watched the zipper close over her head.
Then she was thrown somewhere roughly. Some part of her cracked.
Why couldn’t they have just left her alone and in peace to contemplate?
What would happen now?!
Audrey felt panic for the first time in... how long?

She was placed on her back. Was the ride over?
The bag was unzipped.
Audrey was in a morgue. She was sure of it. Metal all around and beige on the ceiling. Some kind of foamy ceiling? Her vision was a bit cloudier now that she was out of the water...
Men with glasses looked at her for a bit, then she was pushed inside a large metal cabinet.
She sat staring in the dark.
Suddenly she saw a fish!
Rising up out of the darkness to investigate her like they did.
No. False alarm.
She was just used to floating on the lake. There was no fish here. Also she was on her back still. That was difficult to remember. Orientation.

Audrey was rolled out of the big metal cabinet. A few police officers looked at her. One closed her eyes. Something made a zipping noise. She was pushed back inside the big metal cabinet.
She couldn’t see anything at all now, even if there was something to see. They took that away from her. She could still hear, though, which was nice.
Every once in a while, she heard a few men outside. Minutes passed. Hours? Hours, probably. Surely not days. Maybe days.
She was rolled out again from the big metal cabinet. There was a zipping noise.
“This her?”
“Yes. That's her.”

That voice...
A man's voice.
So familiar. But different. Someone she knew had a voice like that, but it was different now. Changed.
How long ago had she known that person...?
Audrey thought about the voice for a long time.
So familiar. Something different.

She was jostled and hoisted and thrown somewhere.
Something else broke.
People weren't being very careful with her.
Not that she cared.
She was traveling somewhere now. Bumps here and there. A back road.
Audrey imagined she was drifting along a river. Every bump was a dip or a twist in the rapids.
Rainbow Trout swam with her.
Salmon swam against her.
She saw the sky overhead.
Birds flying from tree to tree. Some of them looked at her as she passed them by.
She felt the sun on her face.
What a beautiful day...

The bag was unzipped over her head.
It pulled out a few of her hairs on its way down.
Someone opened her eyes.
Her vision was so blurry now. She could hardly see the person's outline.
The someone inspected her closely, and then leaned back.
He sighed.
It was a he.
The man opened what sounded like a tackle box.
He leaned towards her with something tiny and pointed in his hand.
A tiny paintbrush.
She saw his face a bit more clearly.
It was solemn. He was being very gentle with her.
The man moved her face all around, turning it and gently squeezing here and there.
The man set his tiny brush down on a tiny side table and hooked something up into Audrey’s arm.
He lifted her arm, bent it at the elbow gingerly, set it down.
He lifted her leg, bent it at the knee gingerly, set it down.
He was very professional in his inspection. Routine.
Then he got up, switched off the lights and left Audrey in the dark.
Audrey felt something happening inside her body; something strange and unsettling.
Her blood was being forced to move again, somehow. It was being... replaced?
The light came back on a few... minutes later?
Hours...?
Days...?
Hmm.
The man unhooked whatever it was in her arm.
He bent her arm, then set it down.
It moved much more easily than before.
Strange.
The man removed her dress. She saw him throw it away.
Then he got out a new... horrible one.
Flowers all over it. Billowy. Not the dress Audrey would wear at all.
She hated it.
Someone had liked dresses like this, though.
The man with the voice. From the morgue.
So familiar...

The mortician picked up his tiny paintbrush and started brushing it across her face.
It was a very soft kind of scraping.
Not unpleasant.
He painted her nails. Fixed her hair.
He was probably making her look very pretty.
Soon he was finished.
Soon...?
He closed her eyes again.
She was moved into a box.
A coffin!
She was going to have a funeral!
Of course!
She hadn't even thought about that...
Oh, who would show up!?
Who did she know again?
She couldn't remember.
She would remember when she saw them, though.
She would be able to hear that voice again.
That man's voice.

Audrey waited.

The coffin never opened.
How long had she waited?

She and her coffin were moved.
Someone mumbled something.
Audrey distinctly heard the word “God” a few times.

Audrey heard something falling onto her coffin.
Intermittent raining.
Dirt.
Oh.
So... that was it.
Now there would be nothing else.
Audrey's heart sank.
Was there still something to look forward to?
Could something still happen?
Maybe this was just a waiting period of some kind.
Maybe heaven had a long line of applicants.
Although... no one had approached her yet about filling out any forms or... whatever it was she needed to do.
She wished she had something to distract her. Nothing.
Just her thoughts.
Audrey tried thinking of new things like she always did.
And like always, the thoughts at the back of her mind tried to surface.
She wouldn't let them, but they were persistent.

Why was she here?
What had happened that day at the lake?
Nope.
How big was the universe?
If it was infinitely big, how was that possible?
What had happened?
If it was that big, that meant that nothing existed outside it. Or were there still limits? Like rings, or spheres. Matryoshka doll universes, one inside the other...
Whose voice was that at the morgue?
How was it different?
If there weren't stars all the way out, what was there? Just blackness?
That day at the lake was violent.
What about God?
What if God was just the collected, um, unconscious of everyone on Earth?
The voice was there that day. Familiar, but different.
How different?
Colder. Detached.
Audrey fought against the thoughts. The thoughts that made her sad.
He had been so sweet. Her own curious boy. She had never seen it coming...
If people were destined to do certain things, then why were they allowed to think whatever thoughts they thought? Or were those thoughts pre-determined as well?
He had killed her. Brutally. Unmercifully. No sign of the love she had come to know...
NO.
She fought against those thoughts. There were so many positive things to think about!

...But Audrey could only stop her thoughts for so long...
A few hours? Days? Years?
Then there was nothing left to do but remember....